Cricket Jokes

Cricket and Jokes! 'ho, ho, ho', naah! what a weird combination? After all cricket is not that serious. All the cricket jokes you could ever think of in the whole world. An assortment of witty, hilariously whacky and funny jokes brought to you from Criccontest.com. Laugh away your blues.

The shy young curate had been enticed to play in the village team. Although he had never played before, he gave the first ball a resounding whack and sent it out of the ground. 'Run!' yelled his partner.
'Don't worry,' said the embarrassed curate, 'I'll buy you a new ball.'

***

The batsman said to the bowler, 'Give me an easy one, will you? I bet a fellow in the crowd five pounds that I'd score four runs.' The bowler did so and the batsman hit it to the boundary. Straight away, he
walked for the pavilion.
'You're not out,' said the bowler, 'Where are you going?'
The batsman yelled back: 'I'm going to find the chap who bet me!'

***

In the absence of their regular umpire, the village team was making do with a local farmer, who knew nothing of the rules. After the third ball of the over, the entire field turned round with a tremendous
yell of 'Owzat!' The umpire paused. 'Well, how would I know?' he said. 'His leg was in the way !'

***

'Can I have your autograph, mister?' asked the small boy, outside the pavilion. The famous cricketer tried to brush him off 'I'm not a cricketer,' he said. 'I know that,' said the boy, 'but I'd like it just the same ! ***
Two onlookers were talking during the village match.
'The batsman was late for the first delivery,' observed one.
'He always is,' said the other. 'That's our milkman.'

***
An old timer was bemoaning the standard of the game and kept recalling the famous names of the past.
'You know,' he-said to one of the young men, 'if W.G. Grace were here today, he'd be regarded as a remarkable man.'
'You're right,' agreed the young man. 'He'd be a hundred and fifty years old !'

***

The boys were playing cricket in the garden and were using a shiny new ball.
'Where did you get the ball?' asked father.
'We found it.'
'Are you sure it was lost?'
'Of course it was lost. We saw them looking for it.'

***

The sarcastic bowler was disgusted by several of the umpire's decisions.
'Have you got a minute?' he asked.
'Yes,' said the umpire.
'Well, tell me all you know about cricket.'

***

Brown and Robinson were two old men who were fierce rivals at cricket. One day, they decided to see who was the better player by having a game between them selves. Brown laboured for an hour to score twelve
runs, but was bowled by the only straight ball he received. Both men were exhausted, and Robinson decided that he was too tired to bat and made for the pavilion, even though Brown had only to bowl at the empty
wicket and break it to win. As he lay slumped in the pavilion, an amused on looker strolled in and said, 'Congratulations.'
'What do you mean?' said Robinson.
'Haven't you heard?' said the spectator. 'Brown bowled thirteen wides!'

***

Smith and Jones were the rival side's fast bowlers. Between them, they had just bowled out the home side for thirty. After the game, a youngster asked a home batsman, 'When do you find Smith and
Jones least difficult to play?'
'When I'm in the pavilion,' sighed the batsman.

***

The bowlers were getting a terrible roasting from the opposition's opening batsman.
'Don't worry,' said the cocky young bowler, 'I know his weakness.'
He bowled three balls and every one was smashed over the boundary.
'I see what you mean,' said the captain. 'He's got a weakness for sixes!'

***

A lord was entertaining some guests at his country estate and they were playing cricket. The lord was batting and his chief footman was the umpire. A guest bowled and plainly caught the lord l.b.w.
They appealed to the footman, who said, 'Lord Melford ; is not at home.'
'What?' said the lord.
'Well, your lordship,' said the footman, 'to speak plainly you're out!'

***
The wicket-keeper was watching the batsman with a pained eye as he fumbled his way through a shaky innings. 'I'm told that you love the game of cricket,' said the batsman.
'That's right,' said the wicket-keeper, 'but don't worry-you just go right on playing!'

***
Boss (to liftman): 'Mr Batt is feeling ill. Would you be so kind as to escort him home?'
Liftman: 'Certainly, sir. Anything else?'
Boss: 'Yes. As this is Test Match week, deliver him and get a receipt!'

***

'I can't understand it,' said the captain. 'It was such an important game that I bribed the umpire and yet we still lost.'
'Terrible, isn't it,' a bowler agreed. 'It's getting so you can't trust anyone.'

***
Two club members were talking about a recent car accident. 'What ever became of that hit-and-run driver?'
'He's batting for the prison cricket team!'

***

The teacher confronted the small boy. 'Now tell me,' he said, 'what do you know about the Eskimo race?'
The child looked sheepish. 'I wasn't there,' he admitted, 'I went to the cricket match.'

***

In a small country game, the bishop was taking part and was at the crease. The bowler was the local vicar who sent down a wide ball. 'I say,' called the bishop, 'keep it in the parish, would you?'
The vicar ran up, bowled, and knocked the middle stump out of the ground.
'I think that's about the diocese, my lord,' he said.

***

Son:'Can I play cricket with the boys in the street?'
Dad:'No. They swear too much.'
Son:'But you play with them.'
Dad:'I swear already.'

***

An American was watching a cricket match and happened to speak to a Frenchman.
'Who's the guy with the ball?' he asked.
'Je ne sais pas,' answered the Frenchman.
After the match, they chanced to meet at the bar. Trying to attract the barman's attention,
the American said, 'What's his name?'
'Je ne sais pas,' said the Frenchman.
'What?' said the American. 'Does he do everything around here?'

***

Every year, the village holds a summer show. This year, the cricket team was to play at the show but it rained all day and they had to call it off. Everyone said they deserved a better fete.

***